Family Feud: Not Family Fare
Misogyny Wrapped in a Punchline
My nine-year-old granddaughter was here watching television one afternoon after school. The channel was showing “Family Feud”, a show which I thought was largely innocuous. Certainly vacuous, pandering to the simple-minded and unimaginative, but not violent or otherwise seriously objectionable.
I thought it would be OK to let her watch.
But I was wrong.
I cannot find the episode online, but I can assure you that this question was asked during a recent broadcast of the “fast money” final round. The question was (to the best of my recollection):
At what age does a woman become a cougar?
The contestant (a male) responded “40”. Then, the second contestant (also a male) when asked the same question also responded “40”. The buzzer went off, indicating that the answer had already been given and that he needed to choose another age. He posited “45”.
The top answer was “40”.
The rest of the family (young women and the wife), clapped, jumped, cheered — giddy with happiness at the brilliance of their male relatives.
My granddaughter asked “what’s a cougar?” She thought it referred to the animal. I didn’t know how to answer this, said something inane as “I have no idea what they mean”, and changed the channel.
So boys and especially girls, what have we learned today? We learned that according to a survey of 100 men, a woman seeking companionship, perhaps with a younger man, becomes an object of scorn and derision at age 40.
O Canada, For Shame
There isn’t much confirmed detail on when the term “cougar” entered the lexicon as a synonym for an older woman seeking a younger male partner. What seems to be the consensus is that it first appeared in print on the Canadian website “cougardate.com” in 1999. The site is still active and encourages men to “chat with cougars on the prowl”.
Nothing New about the Usual Double Standard
Women having relationships with younger men is hardly something new (think Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth I), but it has always been considered — and continues to be — transgressive. There are some negative feelings towards men who date younger women, but they seem confined to much older men seeking a partner with a much greater age disparity, or men of any vintage dating teenagers. Otherwise, apparently, it isn’t a big deal.
But a 40-year-old woman‽ Apparently shameful and pathetic.
How does one respond to the question posed by a nine-year-old girl?
The Older Woman as an Object of Scorn
Consider Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate. I wrote a review of the novel (and indirectly of the film) here:
Denise Choppin
It’s darkly fascinating, deeply telling and profoundly horrifying to see how so many readers and viewers idolize the protagonist, Ben and despise the older Mrs. Robinson. Ben, despite entering into an adulterous relationship is sanctified and pitied, while Mrs. Robinson is assigned the role of a whore. She is especially vilified when she (understandably) asked Ben not to date her daughter.
Even the lyrics of the Simon and Garfunkel eponymous song emphasize this
Every way you look at this, you lose
A Whiff of Patriarchy
I then began to look into some history of the “Family Feud” programme and found ample examples of sexist and misogynist tropes. The following episode from November 3, 2021 is one of the most egregious, but sufficiently oh-so-subtle that it almost passes the patriarchy-stink-test.
Early in the episode, the question posed was:
Personally, I think I have a hot looking what?
The father of a young daughter guessed (correctly as it would turn out) “kid”.
Ugh. It reminded me of the interview of the orange thing commenting on this daughter Ivanka. But I digress.
Later in the show, the question was
A woman would have a hard time standing by her man if he were to do what?
The same family provided the answer "cheat".
But — and here is the completely ugly part — the writers, evidently going for the cheap shot, provided the following definition:
Cheat/Get Ho Preggo
Once again, misogyny wrapped in a punchline. The lesson, apparently, is that if a woman becomes pregnant with a man in who is in another relationship, she must be a whore.
Family Feud may be labelled as “family” entertainment, but if you are a young girl … beware.
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